I recall being young, a child
Knowing not a single thing that lied ahead
I only knew the present, the now
And I lived in it bashfully
Painfully
Eyes indefinitely downcast
Hands forever wringed together
I recall my face, a face not yet grown into
Features I was ashamed of
My father’s nose, my own plump lips, my mother’s eyes
A face which begged to be embraced
A face which demanded to be seen
Banished behind a curtain of hair
I knew not how to love myself, how to be myself
Lost in a constant battle with who exactly I was and who I was becoming
Fighting tooth and nail; gasping about just on the surface of the waves
Before they pulled me to the depth again
As I grew I began to understand myself
See myself
Lucidity creeping on upon me at the pace of a snail
Yet gradual, consistent
A reward after years of cloudiness
As if a rain of self-acceptance came down and soaked into my skin, into my soul
Rendering me numb to my aching battle scars, a battle long held with myself
Battle scars which dressed my heart in crimson stripes
I have learned a lot while becoming me
I have taught myself love while consumed by hatred
Hope when hopeless
Strength when weak
And have weld myself an array of weapons to fight my darkness
A relentless darkness which still licks at my heels, begging to be taken back in
A shadow of my past, dripping with acidic venom out its misshapen maw
Never truly here
Never truly gone